I am trying to 'reframe' the shit that people/life and seagulls throw at you into 'unwanted opportunities'. The reason why there has been a long hiatus between this post and my last is because there has been rather a lot of shit flying around - sorry - unlooked for opportunities - and I haven't found myself in a 'together' enough state to write until now.
I'm posting this in the 'procrastination' section of this blog, because I have gone rather backwards on that front and here's the reason why: Johan and I have split up. This is a blog about acting and procrastination, and not about relationship break ups, broken hearts, and the journey to recovery, so I'm not about to bare all here. (I can't abide people who do that on Facebook, and it inspired me to write a sketch about a woman who wears her heart on her sleeve for the sketch show I co-wrote and performed in). Suffice to say, it was sudden, out the blue and left me reeling. In my view the catalyst was without shadow of a doubt the toxic mess of Faustarse and its aftermath. That in no way denies other issues, but it has left me feeling that I've had Stockholm Syndrome or come out of some weird cult and the realisation that I can never work with that director again. Every time I have worked with this man it has been chaotic, bizarre and has not given me a good feeling about my work; despite receiving some very favourable personal feedback. On the plus side, (the only one I can think of right now) it's given me some material for stories which you seriously couldn't make up. When I feel I'm ready or it's appropriate, I might divulge more on here in the acting section.
So.... my procrastination 'guru' and guide has pushed the ejector seat button from my life and now I need to learn how to be my own master. This is an opportunity (albeit unwanted) for me to put into practise what I have learnt, and ultimately to gain confidence that I can do-it-myself. There is no doubt that Johan taught me a lot of practical things that can be usefully applied, the trouble is that recently that's all gone right out the window. I think when I last wrote here I had just embarked on a sleep hygiene programme, well that's gone by the wayside. For some inexplicable reason, my diary had the entire month of August missing (maybe not so inexplicable since I bought it from the Pound Shop!) and along with it, organising my day, locating the 'frog', let alone 'eating' it. Of course, I could use an ordinary notebook to do this, but I did find it rather ironic from a metaphorical perspective! So, July was a mess, August a write-off but soon, very soon... I shall rise from the ashes with a new found purpose and vigour - at least that's the plan! I shall schedule 'til the end of August to continue to be a mess, but come September, I shall be taking myself in hand. Watch this space...
