I am currently in rehearsals for a production of a Christopher Marlowe play in which I am to play the clown amongst other assorted roles. The director, who is a genius - and one who I could cheerfully slap at times (but more on that another time!) threw me in the deep end, getting me to 'entertain' the others in rehearsal (since the clown will have to do such a show) but with no warning whatsoever. I simply had to open my bag and see what came out. Feeling enormously pressured ("no pressure - just be funny") I delved in and made 'fork-on/fork-off' jokes with, um, a fork and 'you're taking the pith' jokes with some orange peel I'd diligently placed in a Tupperware container to throw away later. I so wanted to say "please, please - I'm feeling really threatened - couldn't we do this in a closed rehearsal?" but I knew what he'd say; he'd tell me that this is precisely the thing that a clown would have to do - just go in and engage the audience and therefore this is what I must do. My discomfort was of no consequence, in fact - good! - get you out of your comfort zone. He has a point (even though he didn't actually say these things - but having worked with him plenty and often feeling like I'm 'in the shit', I knew he would!)
He says I'm a natural clown but that I lack rhythm. Rhythm, rhythm - bloody rhythm! Whilst I maintain that I'm a great 'free-range' dancer, particularly after a glass of wine or three, I am practically dyslexic when it comes to following any kind of choreographed dance steps. I am happy to play the fool, look stupid or ugly for a part and feel very free to express myself in that way. But there is no quicker way to make me feel vulnerable, paranoid and just plain crap than to try and get me to follow dance steps as I guarantee when everyone else is going one way, I'll go the other. [aside: I was talking to one of my fellow performers about this only yesterday, he says he's used his total lack of rhythm to his advantage in pantos and such things, as he's up the front doing his own thing, throwing weird and hilarious shapes for the audience's amusement (and to the other cast members' fury), however I do think it's harder if you're female as perhaps people expect you to be a bit more graceful.. but I speculate..] This particular director is all about the rhythm of the performance and frequently plays a drum so that we get the tempo. He's always going on about the 'on beat' and the 'off beat' and I have much to learn from him. This is a great position to be in - I wanted a challenge and I've got one dammit! But it's also making me feel really exposed. None of this is helped by the fact that I over-extended my back in yoga and the stiffness I feel in my back and body is making my lack of rhythm even more apparent. I'm even resorting to paying the extortionate fees of a chiropractor to help loosen things up as I think it may have triggered an old injury I sustained being thrown down in an exercise on a concrete floor in an exercise whilst training.
Reading this back, I've just asked myself the (rhetorical) question 'why am I an actor again?' - it's a bonkers business all right. Shame I don't have an actual office because if ever one of those ridiculous signs 'you don't have to be mad to work here, but it helps', was warrented; this is it!
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