Feeling Blocked

I want this post to be about acting - not procrastination, but I have been procrastinating like crazy about writing it. I have lots of things to say, but I feel blocked. Not to be over-dramatic (moi?!) but it's been weighing on me a bit like having an albatross draped round my neck. And I know why... 


Whilst I'm waffling on with general musings about the whole actorizing malarkey, it's all very well, but the minute I write about my experiences regarding specific stuff I'm working on/have worked on, the greater the chances are of me being outed - and this shit ain't even live yet! I realise this might be therefore a great shock reading this - and yes, there should be an actress called Lauren Olivier, and may be even one who looks like this 'photo' - but, like all acting, it is a mask. I decided to use a pseudonym simply so that I could write about things freely and assumed that with a few changes of production names/ people names, everyone could stay anonymous and incognito, but now I realised that I've been too naive and should anyone who vaguely knows me stumble across this blog, I will be identified pretty quickly. Does it matter? Is it worse that I've tried to disguise who I really am? Does anyone even care? Am I just worrying far too much about what other people think? (nothing unusual there) I mean, it's not as though I intend to go off on a major rant or bitch fest about any individuals. Anyway, regardless whether my cover was blown or not, that just wouldn't be my style in a public domain. I might think it - oh lord I might think it - but writing it down is something else.


This was compounded just this week when I was working on a viral ad and had an awkward conversation regarding payment (which is one of the reasons why having a agent would be useful!). For those that aren't in the know, as soon as the buzz-word "viral" is mentioned, it means that it is being done on the cheap and the pay is nothing as compared to TV advertising. It's all a bit of a cheek actually, because the acting is still the same, the production values are still the same (although not perhaps "broadcast quality") all the same work takes place, but the company who wants it pays pin money. I accepted a role in this particular ad on this basis and was happy to get it. But then I had a bit of a dodgy moment with the production company regarding the invoiced amount prior to shooting, which seemed to differ to what was previously quoted (crossed wires I'm sure), which I was all willing to let go, when my fellow actor told me how much he was getting paid. Although it was clear from the start that payment was below Equity rates, I think there was a bit of a legal tussle about it, and therefore those with Equity were getting "a little bit more". Then I found out how much more and it made me a bit mad that they were quibbling about this small amount I had queried and thought I'd been quoted. It was no use, they were sticking to their guns and I guess it's my own fault since I am not currently a member. It makes it all the more galling that their particular membership was the £15 student membership and mine had run out last year and since I have not had much paid acting work, I felt I couldn't justify the upgrade to full membershiip. *childish moment* BUM BUM BUM BUM AND ARSE*. Anyway, I was trying to write this entry in longhand during one of the long waits on the shoot, when the 1st AD, with whom I had the payment conversation walked past and said "what are you doing? Are you writing in your diary? Be nice!" and I thought "Oh. Shit."


But you know, it's all experience... you live and you learn, blah blah blah. And at least I got the part, and it's all good for the CV and I worked with some lovely people. So there you are. That is nice.